


Fallin' Flower

by 365sostressed



Category: Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Chwe Hansol | Vernon-centric, M/M, Mentioned Boo Seungkwan, Mentioned Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Mentioned Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Mentioned Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Mentioned Jeon Wonwoo, Mentioned Kim Mingyu, Mentioned Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Mentioned Lee Chan | Dino, Mentioned Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Mentioned Lee Seokmin | DK, Mentioned Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Mentioned Xu Ming Hao | The8, Mentioned Yoon Jeonghan, Multi, Seventeen - Freeform, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24986245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/365sostressed/pseuds/365sostressed
Summary: "Everything turns gray. I carve out my fantasy and run away before the poison spreads..Got to get away"orHansol struggles with his mental health and doesn't want to bother any one until Seungkwan approaches him.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Kudos: 41





	Fallin' Flower

**Author's Note:**

> !!TRIGGER WARNING!!  
> mention of self harm, blood, panic attacks, depression and starving  
> -  
> -  
> english is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes I made

His blanket was wrapped around his fragile body. His LED stripes tinted the room in a purple light and his "sad playlist" was playing on repeat. He hasn't moved since yesterday evening, when he got back from an important meeting. It was a sleepless night again, There was this big Hurricane of thoughts in his head which wouldn't let him get the much needed rest. His eyes hurt from crying. It was around 4 in the afternoon when he finally stepped out of his room to go to one of the three bathrooms. Hansol looked in the mirror. His hair were greasy and super messy and there were dark bags under his puffy eyes. He should have taken a shower days ago but he there was no motivation for such things like this. But in the end he undressed and took a closer look at his starved body. Tears started to fill his brown eyes when he saw all the fresh cuts and healed scars.

He hold the razor blade between his index and middle finger, tears running down his face. The voice in his head was screaming that he deserved to suffer and how worthless and what a bother to everyone he was. And at 1:27 in the middle of the night he cut himself for the first time.

Tears started to uncontrollably run down his face when he relapsed again. He was so tired of everything. He couldn't take it anymore, he just wanted to finally get rest and sleep for ever.  
He didn't want to see his friends worried faces anymore and lie to them. But what he didn't know was that his friends all knew that something was wrong, Hansol just didn't see it.

When the bleeding finally stopped he decided that it was time to take a shower; he stepped under the steaming hot water and scrubbed his body clean while he let his shampoo sit in his hair. Hansol didn't know how much time passed by until Seubgkwan, his best friend, interrupted his dark thoughts. "Hansol? Are you alright? You're since quite a while in there!", the older said after he knocked on the wodden door. It took Hansol some time to process what just happened until he finally answered with skaking voice: "Y-yes...I-I...I am alright" "Hmh..okay. Wanna watch a movie when you're ready? We didn't do that since a while" Hansol let out a small sigh before he replied: "Sure...Set everything up, if you want" He heard Seungkwan walking away while he rinsed his hair and wrapped a towel around his hip. He tried his body and cleaned the mess he left earlier up. Afterwards Hansol put his old clothes on and went to his room to get into a pair of new ones. 

Seungkwan smiled at his best friend when Hansol finally entered the living room. Seungkwan hat put Hansol's big Stitch plushie, a lot of pillows and a big, fluffy blanket on the sofa. "You're finally ready, Sol" Hansol nodded in respond and sat beneath Seungkwan and grabbed his plushie while he asked: "What are we gonna watch?" The smile onnthe singers face disappeared. "Before we watch anything, we gotta talk." Hansol looked up, for the first time in a while he looked directly into someones eyes. "We're all so worried abut you, Hansol. What's going on? You know you can trust me..", Seungkwan said and grabbed the younger one's hand. "I'm just...", Hansol tried to find a valid reason for his behavior, "....I'm tired?... Nothing to worry about, Seungkwan" "I'm truly sorry but I don't believe you. I can tell that there is something else bothering you" Hansol eyes were filled with tears, his sight was blurry and he couldn't catch a clear thought. Seungkwan's voice seemed so far away. He felt like he was stuck underwater and lungs were slowly filled with water. Breathing seemed impossible. He was clearly hyperventilating and Seungkwan felt helpless. The older kneeled down in front of the half American. "Hansol, look at me. Deep breathes, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Everything is okay, you're save with me" Hansol didn't dare too look up, he didn't recognize his best friend's voice in the first place. There were so many cruel things in his head, everything was just too much. The walls were coming clothes and his hoodie suddenly felt so tight around his body. He tried to take a deep breath, but it caught at the back of his throat and made him gag. Seungkwan placed his hands on Hansol's shoulder and made him look straight into his eyes. "Deep breathes. Follow me" And with some help, Hansol finally calmed down. "You're doing so good, Sollie" "My-my hoodie- it's...it's so tight" The younger coughed. "Lift your arms up, we need you to get out of this thing" Seungkwan already pulled the hoodie up, exposing the fragile body of Hansol who pushed the older away. "No..It's getting better again", Hansol mumbled while he pulled the black clothing item down. But Seungkwan saw the scars on Hansol stomach. With teary eyes he grabbed the thin arm of the male in front of him and pulled, without any warnings, the sleeve up. He looked at the exposed cuts and scars on his best friends arm. „Hansol- Why?“  
The room was filled with sobs. Seungkwan tried to pull Hansol in a hug but got pushed away once again. The older looked at the younger: “Why are you doing such horrible things to yourself? Why don't you talk to me? Don't you trust me?” Seungkwan tensed up, he couldn't believe that his best friend, one of the most important people in his life, had to suffer this much. “Talk to me, Hansol! I'm so fucking worried about you, don't you get it?!” But there was still no response from the younger. “Please let me help you..The boys and I are so worried..You don't eat anymore and you basically never sleep..you're getting weaker and weaker each day and now this- I'm so sorry that we didn't approached you earlier but we all thought that you'll come to us when you're ready..” Hansol stood up, tears streaming down his face while he pulled down his rolled up sleeve again. “Sometimes..You can't talk about certain things” This was the only thing the half american said before he left the living room, followed by Seungkwan. The two went into the messy room where the younger threw himself on his bed and covered his body with his blanket. Seungkwan sat beneath him and slowly brushed through the brownish hair of the younger.  
“I feel like a bother to anyone..and I'm scared that you'll start to hate me as well..”, Hansol sobbed. “Oh Sollie..We could never hate you and you are everything but a bother. We care so much about you. And- if you're ready to talk about what's going on, you can. I'll listen to it and will help you” 

Days passed by but nothing really changed; Hansol never left the room, he barely slept and now avoided everyone as much as he possible could. When they knocked on his door he never responded, ignored their messages and phone calls.

It was nearly 12 days after Seungkwan discovered his best friend's dark secret when said boy entered his room with blood running down his arm and teary eyes. “I need you”, was all the younger one could say before he collapsed on the floor. Seungkwan couldn't react fast enough as Hansol hit the floor. “Han- fuck...”, the older didn't exactly now what to do so he yelled for help and immediately the small room was filled with 13 boys. All looking perplex at the scene in front of them. Jeonghan went into the bathroom to get their, half emptied, first-aid kit while Joshua talked to Hansol. Seungcheol put a pillow under the trembling boys head while Jun and Chan grabbed some wet towels to clean the cuts. Wonwoo went into Hansol's room, pulled the shutters up and opened the window to let fresh air in. He then grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and the Stitch plushie the half American adored so much. Soonyoung and Jihoon calmed Seokmin down who was bawling his eyes out and Mingyu got a bottle of Coke. Myungho held Hansol's hand while Seungkwan brushed through the brownish hair.

“Hansol, I'm cleaning the cuts now”, Jeonghan said and wiped all the dried blood off. The second oldest pulled out a disinfectant spray before he said: “This will sting a bit” He then quickly sprayed Hansol's arm who winced. He tried to pull his arm away but he was too weak. “Shhh, don't. Jeonghan will wrap a bandage around your arm to prevent any infections. It's over soon and you're doing so good”, Seungkwan mumbled in his best friend's ear as the said male wrapped the spongy cloth around Hansol's arm. “All done, bud, see” Hansol slowly opened his eyes and looked with tired eyes at the second oldest. He mouthed a small “sorry” before he closed his eyes again. With the help of Seungcheol and Joshua Seungkwan undressed his best friend. And there he was, sitting in his underwear, covered with scars and cuts all over his starved body. They all had tears in their eyes. They just couldn't believe what their precious Hansol did to himself without anyone knowing. No one said anything. This whole situation felt so unreal. And they all felt so helpless. What should they do now? How could they help him? What was the best decision they could make?  
“Guys...Let's put him in some fresh clothes..And then he needs to eat and drink something”, it was Mingyu who finally broke the silence. And it was Seungcheol who pulled the big baby blue oversize hoodie over Hansol's head and Wonwoo and Jeonghan who pulled the set of black sweat pants of the thin legs. And with the help of Jihoon Seungkwan placed the second youngest in his bed. 

And from this day, things got better. Hansol finally received the much needed professional help. 

Don't stop this healing. Things take time but it'll get better someday, I promise.


End file.
